If you ever spent time with a four-year-old you know two things about them; they can be very cute, and boy can they drive you nuts. Four-year-olds ask anyone and everyone in their 10-foot radius the same question: “why?” A four-year-old wants to know the “why” of everything. Ask any parent and they will tell you that the never-ending chain of a four-year-old’s “why questions” can and will make you wish you paid more attention in school, drive you into an existential crisis, and above all, make you wish you had more patience. Yet, we should recognize that this common trait of extreme wonder among young children, as frustrating as it may be for parents, can teach us all an important lesson.
There is wisdom in the four-year-old’s way of thinking. Yes, I know that sounds silly to say aloud (or read in your head). But the fact is that embracing the pure, innocent curiosity of a four-year-old can be very beneficial in our adult lives.
Getting Back in Touch with Our Curious Side
As we get older, we tend to abandon our curious side. Have you? At some point, many of us realize that it is impossible to know the answer to every “why” question, so we stop asking them. But even though our “why phase” usually fades away as we transition from childhood to adulthood, that doesn’t mean that curiosity is only for children. In fact, I would argue that the most enlightened people are the most curious ones.
The reality is that it’s impossible to know everything. However, our inability to know everything doesn’t preclude us from knowing anything, and it certainly doesn’t mean we should stop being curious!
Let’s ponder this. As an adult (especially a young adult), being curious is the essential catalyst for identifying our passion. Allowing our minds to wonder and be curious is how we discover what we care about and why we care. And this understanding of what we care about and why we care about it is the secret ingredient in the recipe for living a good life.
Knowing Oneself
Truly knowing yourself is the first step to living a happy and fulfilled life. This is a truth expressed in theory by the philosophies of Taoism and Stoicism. In the Tao Te Ching, Lao Tzu writes, “Those who understand others are intelligent// Those who understand themselves are enlightened.” Similarly, in Meditations Roman Emperor and Stoic Philosopher Marcus Aurelius writes, “Look well into thyself; there is a source of strength which will always spring up if thou wilt always look.”
Here comes the “however,” though. To actually live the good life, we need more than just good philosophy for why we should act with self-awareness. We need the motivation to act with self-awareness! Just think about it. How many times have you known cleaning your room like your mom asked you to was the right thing to do, but you lacked the motivation to do it? This example is reminiscent of something my grandma always used to quote. She used to remind me of Act I Scene 3 of Shakespeare’s tragedy Hamlet, where Polonius provides Laertes with exactly the motivation we all need. Polonius urges Laertes to not only know himself, but to also be himself saying, “To thine own self be true.”
Ok, I know that was a little textbook-y. But all that talk about philosophy and Shakespeare boils down to two main points:
1) To be true to ourselves we must know ourselves
2) To know ourselves we must be curious about who we are
How to Know Oneself
Attending college has given me the opportunity to study anthropology, sociology, history, psychology, and philosophy, and my personal reading has enhanced my knowledge in these subjects. These studies have helped me understand what differentiates our species from other living things in nature, but also what makes us remarkably similar to the rest of nature. It has shown me just how similar I am to my fellow humans, no matter how different they look or sound. Put simply, zooming out and studying the big picture of what it means to be a human has been extremely helpful in my journey to understand myself.
While zooming out is valuable, zooming in and examining the smallest details of what makes me me has also proved enlightening. For me, meditation has been my way of “zooming in.” Meditation has helped me tap into the sensations of my body and my relationship with the world. It sounds weird, but by simply sitting, breathing, and noticing, I have been able to better understand the “why” behind my desires, feelings, thoughts, and actions. Perhaps most importantly, I have gained a strong sense of how I can live my own unique version of the “good life.”
If you haven’t tried meditation, perhaps you should look into it. There are many free meditation apps available that make it easy to get started. However, regardless of if you decide to explore meditation, try to take 10 minutes each day to simply be mindful. If you find that walking, going to the gym, or simply taking a moment to listen closely to the background noise makes it easier for you to be mindful, then do that!
Yuval Noah Harari contemplated on meditation and explained the relationship between us and the world in his book 21 Lessons for the 21st Century. He writes:
“Between me and the world there are always bodily sensations. I never react to the events in the outside world; I always react to the sensations in my own body… the deepest source of my suffering is in the patterns of my own mind. When I want something and it doesn’t happen, my mind reacts by generating suffering. Suffering is not an objective condition in the outside world. It is a mental reaction generated by my own mind. Learning this is the first step toward ceasing to generate more suffering.”
So, let’s sum all this up. By thinking like a four-year old and asking “why” more often, we benefit greatly. We begin to understand the world, and our personalized role in the world. By challenging ourselves to be curious about our passions we will develop a clearer picture of how we want to live our life. By deeply exploring our relationship to the world we minimize our suffering. Curiosity puts us on our journey to understanding how to live a life guided by our passions, filled with meaning, and free from unnecessary suffering. In other words, asking “why” is the first step to living well. The impetus to live this good life is then placed on us. So, what are you curious about?